Little did you know but we at State Controlled Media have declared October as Supernatural Awareness Month. For the rest of this month we will be posting tips on how to deal with specters, ghouls, monsters of all sorts and annoying neighbors.
As we always say preparedness is key for survival of any situation so pay special attention. To save space for future posts here are a few items that come in handy:
-Holy water; an all-purpose supernatural repellant. Think what Drakkar Noir does for super models. Also it is just water and all emergency situations require water.
-Cross; Regardless of your religious affiliation, all spirits and monsters are afraid of Christians (asking them to go to a barbecues or attend church on Sunday). They are especially afraid of Catholics…you understand.
-UV spotlight, all evil is put off by light and these bright lights can incapacitate or even kill some supernatural ghouls. Eye protection is a must! A decent one will cost you around $125 but it is worth it as when you are not fighting the evil dead you can tan with it.
-Silver Bullets; Most creatures of the night can be dispatched with regular bullets but why take a chance? Some creatures require silver to do the deed and even though it is more expensive…safety first. (A contributing editor pointed out that I should remind everyone that not only do you need a gun to shoot the bullets but the bullet should match the gun. If you don’t know what I mean then happy hunting!)
-Mirror; most creatures of the night despise looking at themselves. Worst case scenario you can hit them with it. (Note: almost all mirrors have silver in them!)
This would be a good starter kit to fend off all supernatural pesky problems. It is doubly effective against troublesome neighbors. In case of a neighbor problem you can use substitutions: a hose instead of holy water; a club instead of cross (though if a neighbor believes you are a holy roller and they are not the will stay away; however if your neighbor is a holy roller a cross will only increase your attraction), UV spotlight work well if you have a peeping tom or you want to temporarily blind them, regular bullets will do the trick and last keep the mirror. If all else fails the mirror will show your neighbor what a douche they are being.
Stay tuned for part 2: Vampires and you...
