The following is a contribution from the Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor:
My Phone the Racist
Today I found out my Phone is a racist. At first glance it appears to be a normal phone.
It never seemed to be bigoted or hateful in anyway. Many times my phone would be around many different races and genders. Not once did the phone ever say or do anything that would make one suspect my phone has a seedy dark side. I remember once we went to the park and went on the swing together. And once we went to the movies and enjoyed a Tyler Perry picture.
Then today came. I was working feverishly trying to do good things. This process involved typing the word mother into a text message. Having the massively clumsy fingers that I have I spelled it m-o-h-e-r. Now, my phone can be pushy. It often changes words that I spell correctly into gibberish or into words that have no bearing on the message I wish to convey. When I typed out my alternative to mother my phone wanted to change it to the mother of all racial slurs. Yes the “N” word. So, when this happened I was in the presence of the Big Scary Editor. The BSE is a large black man and he is the authority We at State Controlled Media go to whenever there is a question of racial sensitivity. BSE was in a state of shock when he saw the flagrant, abusive, invidious (thank you to Contributing editor for word) attitude. It could have been hysterical laughter, I mean the kind of laughing where you spit and eyes roll down your face; however we believe that the BSE was so distraught that it was a sad cry and he was choking on sadness. I would like to apologize to all peoples of the Earth for my phone’s behavior.
