Another Reason Dogs are Better Than Cats

 

Dogs Don't disguise themselves as reindeer in order to destroy Christmas

A True Story...

State Controlled Media has an official dog. It is a dog that cost the Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor a lot of money; while still being a mutt. We have to give credit to where it is due. Somewhere someone came up with the term ‘designer dog’ to describe mutts and they were able to charge a lot of money for something that was normally given away.  Anyway, it is a well-known fact that the PSBE has a fondness for M&M’s (any type will due; although PSBE father is a strict peanut man).  Just about every evening the PSBE likes to sit in the SCM recliner and throw back a few M&Ms. 

 Eventually he misses his mouth and that is when the PSBE dog does her magic.

You see through magic or the science behind making a designer dog she seems to have gained super powers. This also could be the reason behind her not shedding and the drain from the SCM budget for grooming (the money disappears like magic). The PSBE speculates that the origins of her super powers are evil. You see, when the PSBE drops an M&M the dog breaks the sound barrier to get to the M&M before the PSBE can get out of his chair

Then, breaking all of natural laws, the PSBE Dog goes to warp speed to avoid the retrieval of said M&M.

By this time the candy is no longer edible and the treat has lost all of its potential deliciousness. But chocolate is bad for dogs so we do our best to keep her from eating it. Somehow while travailing at warp speed the dog can still consume food. The PSBE believes that it is evil at work due to his M&M deprivation. We believe he has been out smarted by a dog.

Telling You What To Celebrate...

Christmas.


We at State Controlled Media are a big fan of Christmas; and not just because of the whole Birth of God thing. Don't get us wrong it is great and it relates to our larger point. This time of year always sparks the possibility of life. At Christmas all things seem right and if not they seem like they can get right next year. Rebirth. Normally we are righteous smart asses but we are serious about wishing you a Merry Christmas and a blessed new year. If you don't believe in any of this we still wish you the best. And prepare for the SCM global takeover in 2012...were we supposed to strike that out?

Your Binary Inspiration

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Word of Caution

SCM TIP

Santa has the right Idea...only visit people once a year.

PSBE Note to Santa

Dear Santa,
I'm writing to let you know that We've been naughty...
and it was worth it.
You judgmental bastard.

From the Desk of the Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor

Some say that there is a resemblance between the Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor and Agent P. We don't see it...

Your Binary Inspiration

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Apparently there is a problem with the code only part is visible once translated. Because we are to lazy to redo it the message is: The reason Santa is so jolly is he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin

Telling You What to Eat

Sushi---It's How we Roll

Picture this, A Japanese man sitting around his house wondering what to do with the two day old rice he had in the fridge. His wife starts nagging him about doing something with the fish he caught. She tells him that he cannot cook it in the house e as she hates the smell of cooking fish. So the man looks at his plate of fish, which is also in the fridge, see the fish is wrapped in seaweed and then see the rice out of the corner of his eye. Then in typical Man fashion connections are made where there were none before (Note: this is a different process than women where connections are perceived where none exist) and Sushi was born. So, the wife asks how you came up with this. Can’t cook fish? We eat it raw. You don’t throw away perfectly good rice and I was just too lazy to get rid of the seaweed.

Today Sushi is much more evolved (Men can’t help but tinker with things) but the elements that make it great are still present. Hats off to the Sushi restaurateur you serve food all day long and rarely (pun intended) have to cook anything! Plus the profits have to be amazing. You get a guy to pay 10-15 for tuna; this is the same tuna you can buy in a can for .50-.85 cents. Sushi truly is the ultimate guy food. Equal parts lazy and “I bet you won’t eat that!” Throw in heavy amounts of fortified booze and you have the ultimate guy restaurant. The local haunt that we at State Controlled Media frequent even has numerous flat screen TVs up with sports on all the time.  Sushi is the Japanese answer to the hot wing. Only Sushi one-ups them in hot stuff. Not only do the use liberal amounts of sriracha sauce they also have spicy mayo and the king of all hot stuff. Wasabi. Forget about your habanero or ghost peppers. Sure they have been reported to kill. But it is scientifically proven (not really but it sounds better when we make stuff up to say that) after a certain level of heat all heat is the same. Your nerves only register so much heat. Wasabi consumption is the true measure of a man. The Sushi guys put it on your plate know full well that most of you will ignore it. A real man will use all he has and steal his wife’s as well. Forget about the heat in your mouth it burns your head from the indie out starting from behind you eyes. They aer daring you to eat it every time they hand you a plate of Sushi; are you a man or not? They don’t do that at wing places.

“here are the mild cheddar and fru-fru wings you ordered, oh and even though you did not order it here is a side of holy F#$K sauce if you are man enough to use it…”

So, if you have not already stopped reading and ran to your local Sushi Restaurant to prove your worthiness you should do so now; that is if you want to be cool like State Controlled Media.

Squid Porn, Goo Porn  

Update: It was suggested by a contributing editor that Sushi could never be accepted as the ultimate guy food due to the fact that the name is somewhat effeminate. However his suggestion that the name be changed to Heshi would not help the situation. After a carful explanation (we are at work after all) he understood that calling it Heshi (HE-She) would only confuse things. Also, we forgot the one thing that makes this form of cuisine the most manly of dishes; the element of danger. Sushi can be deadly…no joke. Happy eating!

Another Reason Dogs are Better Than Cats

Stuff We Like

The stuff we like and you should too section has been updated. There is good stuff there. We realize the only reason you go to othere websites is that they are better than ours. So we make it easy on you. We all know that you see a site on the web and love it, but you will forget to book mark it and then forget the name or URL; or you hate all those bookmark clutering up your favorites or you are just to lazy to organize them. Just book mark State Controlled Media and we will have all the links you need for an awsome existance. Click Here to see what you have been missing.

Another Reason Dogs are better Than Cats

Dogs don't do Interpretative Dance!

Telling you what to watch…

               

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

The Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor was born, rightfully, the day after Jesus. Although this is a birthday of some distinction it has often lead to disappointing presents and or celebratory activities. This year Mrs. Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor said she was going to take PSBE to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie for his birthday...the catch being she wanted to take him nine days before his birthday. That’s ok; the PSBE is used to this sort of thing. So, the scheduled movie sojourn was to happen after a Christmas party in a small town about 45 minutes from State Controlled Media headquarters. The party came to a close and the State Controlled Media family headed back. Then, Mrs. PSBE said she no longer felt like going to the movies; “besides, we have a movie at home to watch.”

So, 127 Hours is the movie we watched. 127 Hours, 127 Hours…how to sum up this film? Man went hiking, fell in hole, arm trapped, he cut off arm after…wait for it…127 hours. There, that is the whole movie. Oh, he had to drink his own pee. This movie was nominated for Best Picture (no Really). We had High hopes. But, really what could you expect? We are only thankful that it wasn’t in real time. A two hour synopsis of 127 hours was long enough. At some point we were wondering if we could escape the rest of the film by cutting of our own arm.

The end of the movie there was a grand declaration about how the hero, who cut off his own arm, continues to hike and mountain climb to this day. We had a question. Since when did these avid hikers/climbers/cross country bicyclists become better than us? Seriously, a man who wanders around in the desert now has some sort of moral superiority over us because they are out there “living Life to its fullest”  By that definition homeless people should be treated as the high priests of our generation. We can guarantee you that if we partake in an activity that causes us to lose an arm and nearly die…we won’t do it again. Doing something that nearly kills you every time you try it is not “living life to its fullest” that has another definition. Insanity.

We love the great outdoors. But we don’t have anything to prove.

So watch Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. No matter what it is like it has to be better than 127 Hours.

Update: The Oatmel has summed it up CLICK HERE

Your Binary Inspiration

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SCM Propaganda

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