Sushi---It's How we Roll
Picture this, A Japanese man sitting around his house wondering what to do with the two day old rice he had in the fridge. His wife starts nagging him about doing something with the fish he caught. She tells him that he cannot cook it in the house e as she hates the smell of cooking fish. So the man looks at his plate of fish, which is also in the fridge, see the fish is wrapped in seaweed and then see the rice out of the corner of his eye. Then in typical Man fashion connections are made where there were none before (Note: this is a different process than women where connections are perceived where none exist) and Sushi was born. So, the wife asks how you came up with this. Can’t cook fish? We eat it raw. You don’t throw away perfectly good rice and I was just too lazy to get rid of the seaweed.
Today Sushi is much more evolved (Men can’t help but tinker with things) but the elements that make it great are still present. Hats off to the Sushi restaurateur you serve food all day long and rarely (pun intended) have to cook anything! Plus the profits have to be amazing. You get a guy to pay 10-15 for tuna; this is the same tuna you can buy in a can for .50-.85 cents. Sushi truly is the ultimate guy food. Equal parts lazy and “I bet you won’t eat that!” Throw in heavy amounts of fortified booze and you have the ultimate guy restaurant. The local haunt that we at State Controlled Media frequent even has numerous flat screen TVs up with sports on all the time. Sushi is the Japanese answer to the hot wing. Only Sushi one-ups them in hot stuff. Not only do the use liberal amounts of sriracha sauce they also have spicy mayo and the king of all hot stuff. Wasabi. Forget about your habanero or ghost peppers. Sure they have been reported to kill. But it is scientifically proven (not really but it sounds better when we make stuff up to say that) after a certain level of heat all heat is the same. Your nerves only register so much heat. Wasabi consumption is the true measure of a man. The Sushi guys put it on your plate know full well that most of you will ignore it. A real man will use all he has and steal his wife’s as well. Forget about the heat in your mouth it burns your head from the indie out starting from behind you eyes. They aer daring you to eat it every time they hand you a plate of Sushi; are you a man or not? They don’t do that at wing places.
“here are the mild cheddar and fru-fru wings you ordered, oh and even though you did not order it here is a side of holy F#$K sauce if you are man enough to use it…”
So, if you have not already stopped reading and ran to your local Sushi Restaurant to prove your worthiness you should do so now; that is if you want to be cool like State Controlled Media.
Squid Porn, Goo Porn
Update: It was suggested by a contributing editor that Sushi could never be accepted as the ultimate guy food due to the fact that the name is somewhat effeminate. However his suggestion that the name be changed to Heshi would not help the situation. After a carful explanation (we are at work after all) he understood that calling it Heshi (HE-She) would only confuse things. Also, we forgot the one thing that makes this form of cuisine the most manly of dishes; the element of danger. Sushi can be deadly…no joke. Happy eating!
