AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…..cough, cough choke…gag
We were stoked to see the new TARZAN movie, you may even say
we were Greystoked…sorry laughing at my own joke.
TARZAN was taken as a baby raised by apes, faces a great
challenge and wins in the end by using the power of nature…oh, sorry…spoilers.
Seriously, if you don’t know TARZAN or what this movie is about then I can’t
help you. So this is going to be a two
part review. First the families take and then mine.
Mom, wife, kids. “that was awesome! I really liked that. I
loved the big Kitties! The CGI was really good.”
Family verdict-Good fun movie very enjoyable
I warn you stop reading now
Really don’t go any further
You’ll regret it
OK, you asked for it
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Why Hollywood? WHY? You assholes! I get it; every movie coming
out now is made more for international audiences than the US market. But to
make a plot this this with sooooooo many holes in it for the sake of making actors
move from one place to another. Wow.
And for the love of all that is good please stop using the
stupid blue filter on every shot to invoke feeling. Movies have been made for a
long time without it and still expressed emotion through, you know, actors and
plot!
To be fair Alexander Skarsgard did a great job as Tarzan.
However, do we have to have the trope of the character with modern sensibilities
in the past judging everything?
This movie man, it was immediately evident that it was going
to be about the evil white dudes. It was like Inglorious Bastards, ‘let’s
pretend historical events didn’t happen that way and everything is awesome!.’
The jungle kicked whities ass and the Belgiums and brits high tailed it back to
Europe. Africa lives happily ever after. Um, nope. The movie started with the caption African Congo (this was
never a thing.) At this point in time this area was the Kingdom (or Empire)of
Kongo and then became the Congo Free State which had a corporation partnership
with Belgium to exploit it natural resources. Listen, I don’t want to get to
far into this history of Africa; I mean this is TARZAN its not reality. Which is the problem the setting should have been as make believe as the character.
Just one more thing
Force
Publique in the movie:
Force
Publique IRL:
Final
verdict, if you can separate yourself from the realistic wanabe setting you can
have fun watching this movie; if you can’t you will hate it. I would have been
happier if the movie would have started out with just “Someplace in Africa”
and left the historical; stuff behind. Too many plot issues to go into. Screw
physics, AND SAM JACKSON RUNNING ACROSS COUNTRY IN HIS LATE SIXTIES KEEPING UP
WITH TARZAN!!!!!!!
Enjoy
PS: Note every native in Africa in the 1800's was a roided up freak: oh god the blue...make it stop
