Saturday, October 29, 2011
Great Moments IN History
Supernatural Awareness Month: I Want My Mummy!
You don't see mummies much anymore so there is no real reason to give you tips to survive a mummy attack. Even in the mummy heyday the best you would get is one at a time. Now days of the zombie apocalypse this doesn't seem like a real threat. So we at State Controlled Media decided to help get things straight and throw out some mummy love. Lets start the expose with a question posed form a contributing editor:
“Aren't mummies just glorified Zombies?'
Our answer? Hell no. First it is recognized that zombies are caused by disease or experaments from man that have gone wrong. Mummies are enchanted. Zombies are instinctive and only attack to eat; they have no other function. Mummies are driven by rage and revenge. Mummies can retain the abilities and skills of their life. They are ass kicking machines. They seem to be impervious to bullets and other projectiles. Some even have dis played magical abilities.
“Aren't mummies just zombies with band-aids?”
No,
“Aren't mummies crunchy and nasty?”
NO.
“don't mummies light up like torch when you put a match to them?”
NOOOOO....well yeah...but...we don't want to talk about that.
So next time you are out show some mummy love!
If you missed it check out Part 1, Part 2: vampires, Part 3: Hellhounds, and Part 4The Phantom Myth
Friday, October 28, 2011
Your Daily Binary Inspiration
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Getting with the program
We at State Controlled Media are now on Twitter. Find us at @SCM_PSBE
It was sugjested by a contributing editor that this was needed for
We have a Hater!
We at State Controlled Media have lives. We have responsibilities, children and many other diversions that occupy our time. Often we cut corners in order to get posts up. This practice has earned us a scathing unflattering review. WE LOVED IT! It is not often that we get recognized for anything so it is welcome and well received, we are not changing anything. I doesn’t matter if you hate us as long as you DO AS WE SAY follow us. Two of our contributing editors said this type of behavior labels a person a troll. Example of troll:
It was suggested our response should be to say nothing that we should follow the axiom “Please do not feed the trolls”. This is an impossibility for SCM so the only agreed apon recourse was to say Trolololololololol. Apparently this is some sort of magic incantation meant to ward off these people. It doesn’t matter, The Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor loves everyone the same amount (little to none). So welcome Haters, trolls, lurkers, hecklers, flamers, griefers, hit-and-runers… you have a home here, you will be fed and you will eat well.
SCM Endorses DIVA
The Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor
Has decided it is time for State Controlled Media to branch out. So we have decided to Endorse products, places, events and people even without any requests. Hey it’s what we do.
o State Controlled Media now has its own official Cantatrice (that’s opera singer, we had to look it up too). Dr. Bethany Kiral who is a soprano and can sing a little over 3 octaves. D3, the D that is almost an octave below middle C on a piano to F7, that's the f above high C, the highest note in the Queen of the Night....but she would NEVER sing that high public...the highest she has ever sang publicly was D7-the lowest was E-flat3. Dr. Kiral also told us there are many other things she would never do in public, but apparently associating with us is not one of them. Dr. Kiral is currently on a European tour so if you happen to be in Germany go see her (if our endorsement doesn’t end her career). Now, you may ask, is she good? Well, we decided to let you hear from SCM’s own opera critic (who happens to be 7 years old) “she sings pretty but it hurts…”
So now State Controlled Media is involved with the opera…We got culture B!T(H!!!!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Your Daily Binary Inspiration
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Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Just a Thought
WE at State Controlled Media were watching a performance of the song Sweet Dreams. The Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor decided to educate his children on the history of the song, and he soon realized he faced a conundrum. He had a hard time trying to explain that Annie Lennox was actually a girl in a suit and that Marilyn Manson was a boy in a wedding dress...just saying.
International Greetings!
The statistics are in…and it is official. State Controlled Media knows no borders. This website has readers form all over the world. And since we at State Controlled Media recognize no official government it is ok for all of our readers to follow us
So, Welcome all of our readers and followers from around the globe. WE appreciate you. A contributing editor suggested that we welcome our global readers in their native language but the Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor pointed out that none of us could speak UKish and Australian. So we came up with a compromise a “universal” compromise
nuqneH
That’s Klingon for Hello (really it kind of means “what do you want” but you get it).
Midnight Madness
We at State Controlled Media are all about new experiences. Our motto is we try everything once. So when the opportunity came about to go to midnight release of a video game we decided we had to be there. The Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor has been saving his coins since the spring in order to purchase the game. When entering the gaming establishment we were surprised. We expected lots of eager youth to be piled around waiting breathlessly for the release at midnight, instead there were 20 and 30 somethings waiting. The air was thick and smelled of BO, tobacco and a mix of incense and marijuana. The only reason any of the people there were breathless, we suspect, was because of the smoking. The Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor was pleased that for once he was the most in shape person in a room. An odd thought went through our heads that this group of genial, amiable riff raff were in line to buy one of the most violent games you can buy. The store manager then began to hand out high end fast food, giant burritos from Chipotle. This was met with scorn and disdain from the group around us. “Too fancy, what are they trying to prove?” The McDonald’s Sweet tea was consumed in mass quantities though. The excitement was palpable, outside the store. The inside was strangely quiet. When we asked the manager if it was ok to wait inside he said yes, confused, we asked for further clarification. “Why” we asked, “If its ok to wait inside why is everyone outside?” “you can’t smoke in here,” he replied. Apparently tobacco, nicotine , and caffeine are an critical part of a hard-core gamers life. A contributing editor suggested that they were only smoking so much to keep from eating. From the look of the crowd we suspected that this was not the case. This could have been a gathering for the group “before” photo for the Biggest Looser. Then a strange anomaly, one of them had a girlfriend. He proved it by constantly making out with her while in line to buy a game that would prevent him from making out with her. We were like, ok dude we get it you have a girl with you but some of us are all about the game! The PDA continued despite our protests. We finally achieved gamage. It was however after midnight and we have a week constitution so we went home with our new game and slept the sleep of the employed.
UPDATE: EA's Severs...they really suckUPDATE 2: A big thanks to GameStop and the fine staff there. They made the whole experience enjoyable.
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