Anything, and we at State Controlled Media mean ANYTHING, but The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part 1. The Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor escorted Mrs. Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor to the cinema for an evening showing. Don’t do it; just don’t go and see it. If you want to know what it was like, here is what you do:
1: Watch a strangers wedding video (including reception)
2: Go to the internet and watch a video of a couples honeymoon and when it gets to the good part you can do one of the following
A: put your face so close to the screen you and only see their faces
B: minimize the screen anytime someone looks like they are about to get naked
C: look away every five seconds
3: Play a video of someone giving birth while also playing a video of a dogfight.
4: play awful music the ENTIRE time you complete the previous.
5. Invite random teenagers to stand around and pout.
There you have it. Do all of the above and you will not have to watch the movie! We have mentioned this before but we had to bring it up again. In the book and in the movie Edward and Bella do “IT”. In both mediums Bella is described as receiving bruises from the love making (downplayed a lot in the movie). Edward cries and moans about hurting her, and vows to never touch her again for fear of hurting her. Every time we want to scream out ”If someone doesn’t get a few bruises you ain’t doing it right!”
P.S. We think that Mrs. Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor may have liked it due to some comments she made like “It got better when Bella got pregnant” but we were afraid to ask for clarification for fear of ridiculing her in public. Twilight fans are a surly bunch.
P.P.S. If Mrs. Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor is reading this; everything above was a joke and only a joke. We loved the movie and can’t wait to take you to see part 2!
