Friday, June 7, 2013
Telling you what to watch...
Now You See Me
The Mrs. and I were in the mood for some
cinema. You see we were celebrating our 17th anniversary
and there is nothing better than to sit in a dark room with
strangers. As we were both Will Smith fans we really wanted to check
out his new movie After Earth. Now as this is State Controlled Media
and it is our job to tell you what to watch and not the other way
around, we rarely listen to the average movie goers reviews. We do
listen to professionals though. And when you see “Quite simply,
this is one of the worst films of 2013” Chicago Sun Times and
“Surprise — this bad dream is for real.” St Louis Post-Dispatch
it gives you pause. So entertained by the negativity we decided to
see what the people thought and their sentiments ranged along the
same lines. While doing this we saw a lot of positive buzz for “Now
You See Me” from the average person. The critics were giving it 5
out of 10 and the people were going 7. So we settled in on this
movie.
The cast was great. Jesse (I play the
same character in every movie) Eisenberg, Mark (shave
already)Ruffalo, Woody (I give believability and likability to any
character I play) Harrelson, Dave (the lesser known and possibly more
talented and charming) Franco, Morgan (could you read the phone book
for me) Freeman and Michael (Same as Morgan) Cain. The female
character was flat uninteresting and played wooden by whatever her
name was. She was so unlikable it wasn't worth the time to look her
up. I am tempted to go over the plot as I have seen many discussions
amongst the professional and amateur reviewers alike. I will not do
this. The plot is meaningless. The beginning was fast paced and like
any good magic show the misdirection was enough to trick you into
thinking you are watching a decent movie.
A third of the way through it, the
movie slowed down enough for me to start thinking. The last thing you
want is the Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor to have time to
think. After 5 minutes of nothing happening I realized I hate this
movie. The big reveal at the end shows how the magicians robbed banks
and did their tricks. This only reinforced me hating this movie. The
magicians simple tricks to robbing banks were so complicated and
convoluted that it would have been more difficult to do than digging
through the concrete and steel reinforced walls of a bank vault with
a plastic spoon. That is how impossible it all was.
Every person who rated this 7 or higher
(as of this writing it is an average 7.5 on most sites) and every
critic who gave it 5 or higher (all scales out of ten) are missing
the point. Who cares about the plot holes and the fact magic tricks
are easy to do in a movie when there is no real effort involved! The
movie was plain stupid! The big reveal at the end sucked the life out
of everything you just watched. And don't even get me started on the
motivations of the magicians in the first place. Their goal was to
become so well known they can NEVER be seen in public again and steel
millions of dollars and not keep any of it. S-T-U-P-I-D.
Damn you Will Smith for not making a
better movie so we didn't have to watch this steaming heap!
I think I just got Played by M. Night
And he really didn't make a movie and it was all a trick to get me to
see Now You See Me...
Thursday, June 6, 2013
A Binary for those who love Binary
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Ever wonder...
What the greatest Sci-fi Show of all time is? Well head on over to SCM Geek and Find out. Click Here
Allons-y!!
Bad Movies
(and We are not talking about Cameron Diaz movies)
Mrs. PSBE and I went to see a movie
called “Now You See Me” to celebrate our 17th
anniversary. This is not a review of that move. (I liked it, then
hated it.) Then last night We sat down for family movie night and
watched “Life of Pi” (good flick if a little sappy). These movies got me thinking so no, this is
not a movie review but a critique of the movie industry as a whole.
More good movies have been coming out lately; and by good we mean
entertaining, not thought provokiing, not art, ENTERTAINMENT. The
Acadamy awards still suck, but that is for another day. Cinema is on
the verge of being ruined by a technology meant to enhance the
viewing pleasure. It is making modern films almost unwatchable.
Years ago, I was a mild fan of Brittney
Spears. (insert mocking here, I'll wait)...........Done Yet?
Anyway, I enjoyed her first album that
is until the PSBE brother-in-law pointed out that Ms. Spears had a
groan/moan/throatclearing sound she made before almost every line of
music she sang. After he pointed it out, I no longer could listen to
her music without hearing it. Why do I bring this up? Because I am
about to do to you for movies what he did to me for Britney. If you
would like to go on enjoying your movies stop reading now.
You were warned. 3-D is killing the
movies. I do not watch a lot of movies in 3-D. I really like the
modern High-Def movie screens and killer surround sound that theaters
have. So I tend to notice, or have noticed that movies are not
geared to take advantage of my preferred viewing habit. It is even
more prevalent when I watch movies at home on a much smaller screen.
The perspective in modern film is pointed right at you. Many movies
are made with the 3-D effect in mind therefore they need things to
fly at you. Swords, balls, tigers (Life of PI I'm talking to you)
something/anything to make the 3-D genre viable. If you are watching
a movie in 3-D that really shouldn't be in 3-D it helps make you feel
less guilty about paying to much to see it; however not needed or out
of place it seems. Once you realize what they are doing it takes you
out of the moment and the film can be lost to you.
It is really agrevating when you are
watching a movie in the theater that was clearly meant for 3-D (most
animated movies that come out now, I am talking to you) that has one
sight gad after another that the movie either runs to long or any
sense of a story gets interrupted for the sole purpose of launching
something at the audience. Want proof? Look for this:
It happens a lot now. It is a cheap way
to get the 3-D moment to the viewers. AS much as I hate the constant
pointing at me and the lack of cinematic perspective there is
something even more insidous and vile happening.
When a movie is in 3-D and has no
business being in 3-D. It was not designed nor intended by the film
makers to be in 3-D. The studio head says, “hey this is a block
buster movie we have to release it in 3-D!” I have one question,
have you ever seen 3-D glasses? It looks something like this:
No matter what you do the glasses
darken the viewing experience, and if you are going to see a film
that is DARK it can make the screen a little hard to see. If the movie is not rendered for 3-D and it was a cheap cash grab by the studio or the theater doesn't have the equipment to show the movie correctly (Goodrich Quality Theaters, I am talking to you) then it takes away from the experience rather than adding to it. Then you
wear glasses for three hours for no reason. Unless...
Still that is not the worst part. The
movies that have been released or re-released (talking to you Star
Wars!!) that have no potential for good 3-D experience. In fact some
movies can have as little as 20% of the film in actual 3-D rendering.
Next time you watch a 3-D movie lift up your glasses. The blurrier
the picture the more 3-D effect is being used. Sometimes you can lift
your glasses and the picture is perfectly clear (Star Wars, Toy Story
3)! The clarity and depth you are seeing at that moment is being
enjoyed by all the people one theater over in High-Def 2-D for a
fraction of the cost.
AN I am stuck watching a movie with things pointing/flying at my face for no good reason.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
You searched for What…
This last month some poor unsuspecting people searched for
something that is not this blog and wound up here anyway.
Bellow are our favorite searches that brought people into SCM:
real mole people
30 rock from the sun
naked men
naked chicks blogspot
and the PSBE’s favorite:
olivia wilde in time scene
So no matter how you got here, Welcome!
Telling you what to watch...
Django: Unchained
So, we at State Controlled Media have been watching a lot of cinema these days. We like movies, we don’t have to have a reason to watch one but on this particular night the Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor and Mrs. PSBE had a date night. We had a romantic dinner (WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S ALL WE GET FOR $50!!?!?!) and decided to go see a movie about a man who was so desperately in love with his wife that he would doing anything to get her back after being separated by forces out of their control. (at least that is how I described it to the wife.)
So we get to the theater and the inevitable happens. I have to pee. I make my way to the men’s room (Still waiting on the private facilities just for the PSBE) to do my business. It was flooded. Not with a stream of anxious men hoping to recycle the big $8 soda they drank in an efficient manner in order to go back to the movie they are missing. No, it had a waft of standing water mixed with urine, spit and maybe discarded chewing tobacco (at least we hope the brown floaty stuff was tobacco). There were only two options, pee right there on the bathroom floor turned pseudo toilet or trudge in use the urinal and burn my shoes.
My feet squeaked on the way back to my seat. I forgot to burn my shoes, and now I can’t remember what pair I wore. SCM headquarters is contaminated…
Django Unchained stars this guy:
No This Guy:
He is held captive by a white Hitman who makes him do his bidding:
No that’s not right. The guy in Django can act.
Listen, it was a great movie that made white people squirm at the blatant racism being thrown in their faces and making people feel something in a movie is a good thing. It was a gross movie but after the theater bathroom I was unfazed.
So go see it. (P.S. Leonardo DiCrappro dies in the movie and that is also always a good thing)
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