Telling You What to Watch...

We at State Controlled Media Were compiling our Best Christmas Movies Ever This Year list; while we were doing that we decided to check out some HBO. Turns out there is a movie starring Justin Timberlake on; In Time is a Sci-Fi thriller about the future of mankind. I mean the movie poster is epic! How could this movie not rock? The plot goes like this, when we turn 25 we stop aging and we only live one more year; that is unless you work, or gamble, or fight for more time. When you run out of time you jkust die out the spot. Money is gone and everything you need comes at the cost of your life, albeit in small increments. Justin’s mom was played by Olivia Wilde, yes that Olivia Wilde (Or more precise this one):

 (she is supposed to be 50 in the movie)

You ask how the movie could not have a huge Oedipus Rex conundrum. Well they did and they quickly solved it by killing mom off. Justin then meets Amanda Seyfried and they decide to take justice in their own hands and redistribute time to everyone. They proclaim that no one should live forever and all have the right to life! They were like a modern day Bonnie and Clyde mixed with a little Robinhood and spoiled daddy’s girl…Oh Amanda was a rich girl and her daddy had over a million years of time which they stole.

The protagonists are a cop with no motivation to continue his dogged chase other than he is supposed to and a gang member who steals time. The cop has a great confrontation with our heroes toward the end when all three are about out of time, but then he just dies and all the other cops just give up enforcing the law. We still had hope for the gangster though. Through the whole movie the characters referenced “fighting” for time. Justin said his dad died accidentally fighting for time. He promised his mother he would never go to the fights. Then in his confrontation with the gangster he has to fight. I cannot describe what the fight was so I am going to show you a picture:

Ok so we lied, you can describe it. They shook hands. They shook hands until one of them died!

The movie lost all creditability with us. We are sure there was some existential point about how we are NOW trading our life for stuff and junk we don’t need, and no matter how well we do, things just get harder to compensate. Doesn’t matter. They shook hands. The epic showdown was a cordial greeting.

So watch In Time and the part where the showdown happens just close your eyes and imagine this:

Things that make you go....

What the hell did I just see???!?!?!?!?

The following story is true (unlike most things we say). No exaggeration was needed.

There we were Mrs. PSBE and Myself. watching a television program, recorded on DVR so we could view it a a reasonable time as opposed to when the big corporations demand that we watch it. and at the end of the show there was the news promos. We saw this:

Some of the context is lost so let me paint you a picture. These two hard-working gentlemen are cleaning dead deer carcasses of the road. The banner you see says More Meals. and right about when I hit pause to snap this photo  the anchor man was saying "there are now more meals for the elderly in Mid Missouri". We wil let you draw your own conclusions.

For the Last Time, Its Merry Christmas...

For the Last Time, Its Merry Christmas!!!

　

It is at this time of year that whenever I hear Happy Holidays, I get mad. I know that it is an attempt at corporations to squeeze as much money out of us exploiting our religious beliefs while making it generic enough not to offend people who don’t think/believe the same as me. Ass. Everyone knows that Happy Holidays is an assault on Christians everywhere! Christmas is the pinnacle of our faith and is universally recognized by true believers!

SCM Staff: Uh PSBE, actually the most strict religious sect in the history of the United States the Puritans were opposed to celebrating Christmas, in fact they outlawed it (I.e. it was illegal to celebrate). They said there was no scriptural justification for the holiday and it was a paganism and Idolatry. It wasn’t until the federal government made it a national holiday that the most Christian of Christians acquiesced.

UH, Well it still isn’t right. we have moved on from that and it wasn’t until the nogoodnic Perry Como started singing that song Happy Holidays in the 50’s hat the phrase started to take hold. And that album Season’s Greetings from Perry Como, How secular can you get? Don’t even get me started on season’s greetings!

SCM Staff: Actually, that song was written by Irving Berlin…

PSBE: HAH! Berlin! Told you! NAZIS!

SCM Staff: Uh Huh, anyway, It was written for Bing Crosby in 1942 for the movie Holiday Inn

PSBE: Bing?

SCM Staff: Yes. Furthermore, Happy Holidays was first seen in print in 1890 in Good Housekeeping…

PSBE: Liberal Media!

SCM Staff: Yeah…also Season’s Greetings goes back a long ways as well and has been used by many U.S Presidents as the main holiday greeting to encompass Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Even Dwight D Eisenhower used it.

PSBE: IKE?!

SCM Staff: Indeed. Season’s Greetings became popular in Victorian England as a less bawdy and offensive way to wish someone a Merry Christmas, you know as public merriment was considered lewd behavior. In Fact many religious groups over the years have proclaimed that using the term Christmas was blasphemy as the feel that it is taking the lords name in vain.

PSBE: Saying Merry Christmas breaks a commandment?

SCM Staff: Maybe. Additionally if you got rid of Season’s Greetings and Happy Holidays. You might as well get rid of most other Christmas traditions as well.

PSBE: No, no, no. It is in the bible that we have to celebrate the birth of Jesus by sitting around a tree in our house that is mimicking being on fire while we chant songs and hope a man will come bearing gifts to reward us for good behavior.

SCM Staff: Um, PSBE its not in there.

PSBE: Its not?

SCM Staff: No, in fact the church moved the Christmas date to December to encompass those very pagan ceremonies you just described, hoping more people would convert if they got to keep there rituals. Like the Yule log.

PSBE: What do you mean?

SCM Staff: The Yule celebration was a tradition of Anglo-Saxon Paganism. The ancient Nords would burn a giant log (the Yule Log) and celebrate for days until the fire was extinguished, signifying the start of winter.

PSBE: So what you are saying is that Happy Holidays has been around a long time and has never been an attempt to secularize a quasi pagan celebration, and that Season’s Greeting is a much more conservative and restrictive season’s blessing. And that maybe its not such a bad thing to have a greeting that is inclusive and doesn’t cause people to be separated at a wonderful time of year and that maybe by being inclusive instead of confrontational about what we believe others may be swayed to becoming interested as to why when we say Happy Holidays we really mean it and there is power in the words?

SCM Staff: Sure, Merry X-Mas PSBE

PSBE: Happy Boxing Day staff!

Telling you what to watch…The American

We at State Controlled Media were feeling nostalgic and decided to watch the ubiquities 80’s movie Romancing the Stone.

It seems every time you turned on the TV it was playing.  It was so quintessential 80’s; bad hair, bad clothes and bad music. So, we settled down with a snack and started in on a journey to Cartagena Columbia. Wow, the movie was pure Cheese. At one point we were sure that if a plate of corn tortilla chips were place in front of the official State Controlled Media TV it would turn into a righteous plate of nachos. About a 1/3 of the way through we had seen this movie enough (also we got really bummed that the main characters were younger in the movie than we are right now.) So I looked through the HBO Queue and found The American.

It stars George Clooney as an aging hit man trying to pull off one last job in Italy. This type of description makes us think of only one type of movie:

 The Italian Job. The American did not disappoint. First a warning, we will be discussing the movie in great detail and giving away plot points even though it was released in 2010, you may not have seen it and you can stop reading right now (although you may thank us if you keep reading). In the first few minutes George is nearly taken out by a hit man while he and his girlfriend take a stroll on what appears to be a frozen lake. Clooney daftly found cover for him and his paramour. Then, with the skill of a finely honed assassin kills the hit man. Meanwhile the girlfriend is clearly not aware of a reason why someone would want Mr. Clooney dead. He tells her to call the police and when she runs toward their cabin Clooney guns her down! Holy SPIT! Holy SPIT! Holy SPIT! Holy SPIT!

Off to a roaring start! Only ten minutes in and we were on the edge of our seats. Clooney finds the next hit man and takes him out. Then he goes on the run to save his life, as you just saw he will do anything to stay alive. He calls someone (maybe his boss/handler it was never really established) he was given a place to stay and a new assignment. We could not wait to see where it went! Clooney gets to the town and then…. 

Nothing.

It’s funny that The Never Ending Story came to mind, because that is what this movie felt like. It clocks in at 106 minutes (that’s 1hour 46 minutes for those of you using Math Investigations). It felt longer. I had to check the clock and the movie runtime just to be sure. Sure there was Clooney’s relationship with an Italian hooker which led to gratuitous nudity, which usually enhances any movie. However, I don’t think we needed to see old man butt Clooney. He had workout scenes to show he was in shape but he looked just gaunt. Oh then he died at the end. Everyone was unhappy or dead.

So there you have it. The American… Unhappy or Dead.

Anti-Joke with PSBE

Words of wisdom...

Telling you what to watch…

Looper

***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** **Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT*** ***Spoiler ALERT***


We will be discussing the plot of the movie and the ending. If you do not want to know that the main character killed himself at the end then you should have not read this far, we did give you fair warning that the little boy has super powers and grows up to be a super criminal.


Looper, starring Bruce Willis And that guy from 3rd Rock from the Sun with the long hair:

Um, no this guy:

So he plays a hit man who kills people sent from the future. The gangsters of the future send people back to be killed. You see time travel is so illegal in the future they us it constantly to  cover up murder. The hit-man kill people who are sent back and then dispose of the bodies in the past. At some point their “loop gets closed where their future self is sent back to be killed by themselves. I see what you are thinking, why not send them back to be killed by a different hit-man as during the movie it is shown that when it comes time to kill themselves mishaps happen and trouble often follows suit? Well…there wouldn’t be a movie if there wasn’t any screw ups now would there? Wait…would there?

Back to that in a minute. So long hair has to kill his future self (Bruce Willis) who is hell bent on killing the future crime boss who sent him back to be executed while he is still a child. It turns out that his attempt to kill the child would result in the kid becoming the crime boss which would lead to him sending Bruce Willis back in time to die which would lead Bruce Willis to want to kill the kid which would lead to the kid becoming the crime boss…you get the point.

Long haired guy sees this loop as well and decides to stop his future self by killing his present self. He shoots himself and Bruce Willis disappears. The end, right?


Well, let us ask you this. If the kid never turned into a crime boss then Bruce Willis was never sent back necessitating that the long haired guy kill himself to stop him, so none of the things we just watched would happen…so we didn’t really just watch a movie?

Couldn’t the long haired guy just say to himself “Don’t kill the kid in the future” and achieve the same thing? Anyone who watched Bill & Ted knows this can be done. 

We would say watch the movie but we are not sure there is a movie to watch…

We are not sure if we agree with this Binary...

01001001 00100111 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101110 01110101 01100100 01101001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101100 01101111 01101110 01111001 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01100

Supernatural Awareness Month…

The Mole People:

The Mole people are humanoid mutants who live deep underground. They stand in the Six foot range or taller and have long, thick claws.

  The Mole People can burrow through the earth with surprising speed and are capable of easily dispatching a man who is caught unaware.

They often travel in packs and attack in the same manner.

WE at State Controlled Media did an informal survey (we asked a few people we know), do you know about the Mole People? When pressed for details most confessed they did not, some gave us information we found disturbing…more on that later; it is related.


We first learned of the mole people by watching this documentary:

It was hosted by Dr. Francis Condie Baxter of University of Southern California (USC). 

He is a graduate of Cambridge University and is an expert on inner Earth theories. Like most documentaries it was boring and there was not enough death.  But it did give us our first in-depth look at Mole People.

The evil, hideous, killing machines were…enslaved by humans…to HUNT…mushrooms??? Yes, once again human beings are proved to be the real monsters.

So instead of fearing the Mole People we should start a campaign to preserve there natural habitat. And unlike “saving the whales” and “saving the flys” Mole People are peopleish so it should be easy to drum up support!

Finally, there seems to be a subset of people who live underground in large cities who have formed there own communities and the residents of those cities call them mole people:

Humans underground doing whatever humans do frightens us more than we care to admit. We have seen enough movies to know what kind of evil twisted characters you find underground:

One last thing so called mole people:

And Then There Is This Guy....

We were on one of the many sojourns this summer that kept the State Controlled Laptop at home and kept us from posting. While driving home from our destination, we can get a little bored. Same cars over and over, old building trees and bad signs. BOOOOOOORRRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG. And then we happened upon THIS GUY.

At first all we noticed was a boat on the highway, nothing unusual; people tow boats all the time then we saw what was doing the towing, a 1968 Plymouth Belvedere:

(Note: It didn't look this nice-lots more rust, and smoke)

Possibly one of the worst cars in history as for as MPG. Pulling a boat. We know a lot of you may not understand a lot about automotives; so lets just say towing anything causes you to use more gas. He wasn’t towing this:

He wasn’t towing this:

He was towing this:

We couldn’t wait to see who was driving this set up. We had to speed to get close to the driver because we knew it would not be long before he had to stop for gas. And then there he was; wearing a Hawaiian shirt, aviator sunglasses smoking a big ass Cigar:

All we could think was that dude might as well have a bumper sticker that says FU ENVIRONMENT.

Well Played sir, well played.

Why Dogs are Better than Cats...

Destination Awesome Updated...

Some have been missing out on Destination Awesome!  The claim they cannot find it on the blog. So we at State Controlled Media have come up with a simple guide for you to be able to get to Destination Awesome. See Bellow:

Super Binary...

Its that time of year...

Telling you who to avoid...

Bathroom ASSassin …

One year in the books…

Our one year anniversary has passed without a single note from anyone…just like we like it. State controlled media has been read in 36 countries (we counted territories and principalities) and by hundreds of different people (yeah, no matter how we tried to jazz that up it sounds lame). The perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor has planned some changes for the site in the near future. Some made a comment that we would not make it a year (they were thinking how lazy we are since this doesn’t cost us anything) but we are committed to the long haul. We want to make this site better everyday but the real world gets in the way ( you know: wife, kids, video games and sports). That is why the changes are coming. We have focused so long on one aspect of our combined personalities that we are missing out on so much.

Our ultimate goal is WORLD DOMINATION to have our own domain; you know get out of the Blogger realm. You will soon see a knew serial story posted and we are half through about 30 different post (we got lazy during writing them and moved on. Some is awesome like the angry fridge and the bathroom assassin).


So here is to one year in the books! Thanks to all of our sheeple devoted followers. We value you and your ideas for content and making the site better. 


UPDATE: It has been suggested that we should have posted more. Well we had exactly 364 posts last year. we posted plenty. Sure there were lean times but there were times-o-plenty as well. Is it our fault you people cannot ration?

Why Cats are better than dogs???

We at State Controlled Media have long held the standard that canines are far superior to felines in every significant or measurable way. We often destroy inhibit censor encourage opposing views and a contributing editor sent us this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyXJ1sAQtaY&feature=player_embedded


We may have to rethink or stance. A State Controlled Media first.

PSBE

Telling you what to drive...

So Mrs. Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor just had to have a new vehicle, and by new we don't mean new-to-you type vehicle; but a brand new 2012 model year vehicle. She decided to sell the State Controlled Media people mover for something more fun and a little less practical. At first the PSBE was opposed to the idea of incurring dept but Mrs. PSBE persuaded him with a cogent argument delineated in protracted verse (i.e. he said no-she said YES).

So a vehicle shopping we at State Controlled Media went. Mrs. PSBE settled on this:

A Kia Soul

We like it. The PSBE being the PSBE noticed that the Kia is awfully similar to this:

The Land Rover Evoque

So we compared the models per his command order suggestion, and this s what we found:

The Kia has more listed passenger room. The front seat headroom for the KIA is 40.2 and the LR is 40.3 almost the same. The same is true for the back seat headroom 39.6 to 39.7. the height of the two vehicles is nearly identical 63.4 for the KIA and 64.4 for the LR; in fact the dimensions are separated by inches all the way around. So the size is nearly the same? Yes, even the cargo space is comparable at 19.3 cubic feet for the KIA compared to 20.3 for the LR.

So, what separates them? How about 29 MPG (KIA) compared to 19 (LR)? How about 20k for the KIA and 44k for a LR? Seriously! The Kia has loads of technical gizmos like backup cameras, traction control, sat nav, lights that flash along with you satellite radio and many other sundries. So, you the consumer can get a vehicle nearly identical in size and feature and style for half as much. Skimp on leather seats and steering wheel and you can get one for well under $20,000!

So, by now you have guessed we want you to buy the KIA over the Land Rover...

Wrong. The Land Rover is bigger, faster, more expensive and IT'S A FREAKIN LAND ROVER! It has 4wd and can go just about anywhere. It was once estimated that the first vehicle that was seen most of the worlds population was a Land Rover. You cannot get more Iconic than that and this on was designed by Victoria (posh spice) Beckham. So what if the both have the same engine the LR has a turbo!

Adventures of our SPECIAL Editor...

Maybe it is Just Us but...

Normally we at State Controlled Media claim the mantel of kings of propaganda. However we know when we have been bested. You may have been following a news story out of the former Soviet Union about a protest concerning the imprisonment of a punk rock band. U.S. pundits would have you believe this is getting so much attention due to the nature of the protests. It’s over free speech and feminism. We knew little about it as we try not to pay attention to the competitors. The Big Scary Editor suggested we look it up. So we Googled “Russian Riot” and we immediately understood why this protest turned riot has garnered so much attention.  The “images” section came up with its previews concerning the news we just asked for info on and we saw this:

Russia has turned its abuse of free speech into a brilliant marketing campaign.  We also saw this:

You see what we mean?  Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Even with our formidable intellect we could not begin to hope that we could turn human rights violations and suppressing the feminist voices into a marketing campaign. What is even more amazing is that the protesters are playing right into the governments hands. It may not appeal to all men. But We suspect that when word gets around there will be droves of men going to Russia looking to Free Pussy.

Sorry feminists…

P.S.

The original photos are bellow

People Who Did Us Wrong...

The Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor is a man who appreciates the small things in life. We believe that it is the little things that make life so enjoyable. A giggle of a small child, birds chirping on a spring day, a lazy afternoon when you can nap in a warm breeze, McDonalds dollar menu, finding a quarter on the ground. These are all wonderful things; however they pale in comparison to the majesty of the 44oz Diet Mountain Dew.

 

Many a lousy day has reversed in character due to the intervention of this glorious liquid. Yet universal forces often intervene in the smooth process of purchasing and imbibing in the aforementioned liquid. Woe a many of days when the PSBE goes to his preferred filling station (it’s the cheapest) and they are either out of the green deliciousness or they are in the process of replacing the tank. Knowing that his favorite beverage has to be the beverage of choice of all State Controlled Media followers, the PSBE understands that this interruption is going to happen from time to time.

No, this is not the sickening, abhorrent, loathsome act that inspired this post. This is dedicated to the vile human who often gets to the soda fountain just before the PSBE. This person dumps whatever is left of the homemade brew they were drinking into the overflow basin in order to fill up there cup with Diet Pepsi (we only assume it is Diet Pepsi as that is the most vile drink in existence so this person must be drinking that).  We know it was homemade as no reputable establishment sells ice-cubes made like that and the liquid clinging to the disfigured cubes seems to be some hellish coffee-Pepsi-milk-vomit blend.

This person could dump their putrid concoction in the sink provided to the left of the soda dispenser or in the trashcan outside or in the bushes next to the facility or anywhere in the mother gia loving Earth. But no, they have to pour it right where the offending vapors (of the beverage of choice of Satan) and pierce the nasal cavity of the PSBE and take away the enjoyment of the most wonderful beverage in existence.

Whoever you are we say to you…BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Telling You What to Watch…

...THE MUMMY

Once in a while you are treated with a gift you didn’t know you wanted/needed. We remember Christmas of the past where we got gifts we didn’t ask for but they were better than the gifts that we did ask for.  Some could argue that these are the best gifts. Also, another great time is when you get a gift when you were no expecting one; the random out of the blue moment when the world aligns perfectly in order to present you a present. Combine that with getting the gift you didn’t know you needed/wanted and…well…it is a good moment.

Last weekend we were at the State Controlled Media mobile headquarters. While we are there, we have little contact with the outside world. When the time of night comes when outdoor activities cease we move indoors to view our state of the art entertainment center. (20 year old 13 inch TV hooked up to an antenna).  Once the Perpetual Supreme Benevolent Editor got tired of watching the Kansas City Chiefs loose and Star Trek was over a show came on. The premise of the show was to showcase old horror films. In this instance it was The Mummy from 1932. The PSBE and daughters PSBE #1 and #2 curled up in front of the big screen to watch. The PSBE didn’t believe that the children would want to watch the whole thing, but they did. PSBE daughter #2 fell asleep about an hour in. #1 daughter and the PSBE watched the whole thing.

How can we put this? It was great. Old movies lack a little flair that we’ve come to expect in today’s movies. This move is no exception. It was Dialog driven and Boris Karloff said more with a twitch of his eyes than a Riddly Scott movie says in 2 hours. It was more of a psychological thriller. People were attacked by the mummy through great distances and could protect themselves. Things happened when the screen went black. The best part of the movie was the female lead was the hero of the story. The lady beat The Mummy (the mummy was Imhotep, based off of the first architect of the Pyramids who was the do-it-all guy for the pharaoh Djoser ).

So watch the Mummy

Best Wishes...

Adventures of our SPECIAL Editor...

Adventures of our SPECIAL Editor...

A Special Binary to Explian our Lack of Posts...

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